IOWA CITY CITY HALL – Iowa City may become the world’s newest country, following a secession movement proposed by the Iowa City City Council on Monday.
Minutes from the City Council’s most recent meeting reveal the latest plans to create a new sovereignty named “Squishface.” Though city officials cite a variety of motivations in seeking secession, the most prominent is related to the drinking age, which officials wish to change to 42.
“Numerous studies have shown that alcohol responsibility generally doesn’t appear until age 22, but we think tacking on an extra twenty is the right thing to do,” Councilman Bill Ruthers said at Monday’s meeting. “We’re just trying to keep the city safe from the debauchery of young folks.”
State and federal officials, meanwhile, have repeatedly asserted that secession is not an option.
“If Iowa City chooses to secede, then I will have no choice but to unleash the Predator Drones,” President Obama told The Iowa Iowan in an exclusive interview. “Which target would we hit first? I can’t think of any place more deserving than Summit.”
Councilors remain adamant about their decision. “The federal and state governments always think they can come in this city and tell us what to do; I mean, who do they think they are?” Councilwomen Victoria Becker said in an email. “It’s almost as if they are attempting to challenge us, but who would be so foolish as to challenge the Council?”
