ADLER JOURNALISM BUILDING—The world-renowned Department of Comparative Literature here at the UI has published a groundbreaking study demonstrating that F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby is objectively “way better than” Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.
"Fitzergerald just totally kicks Austen's ass."
Professor Brian Wilking, who has been working on the issue since he was a graduate student in the Department of Comparative Literature, is proud to finally be able to say that “Fitzgerald just totally kicks Austen’s ass.”
“This is what our department strives to do, really,” department chair Diane Gerhardt told The Iowa Iowan. “Think about it: we’re supposed to compare literature.”
Wilking’s longtime research partner, Professor Allison Harold, explained the ways in which Austen sucks when compared to Fitzgerald: ”Fitzgerald’s name is much longer than Austen’s, and it contains both an initial at the beginning and the letter Z. The font is size twelve in Gatsby and only size 11 in Pride—at least in my copy.”
“And no,” Harold Continued, “the fact that Pride has sixty-one chapters is not a good thing. What kind of shit is that? Gatsby has nine chapters, like a good book should.”
Wilking and Harold decided to omit olfactory data on the books from their study, noting that it was at risk of being subjective, and that Harold’s cocaine use makes it difficult for her to distinguish smells.
Professors in the Department of Comparative Literature plan to spend the 2011–2012 school year investigating whether Shakespearean Sonnets or or Spenserian Sonnets, ultimately, consist of more lines.
