Tagged with call of duty

UI STUDENT HOSPITALIZED BY EXCESSIVELY KICKING SOME SERIOUS ASS IN MW3

WASHINGTON ST.—A University of Iowa sophomore was reportedly hospitalized Wednesday after playing the newly released XBOX 360 game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 for nearly 150 hours straight, missing his family’s Thanksgiving meal in the process.

“I started playing last Thursday when everyone was leaving town,” Brett Munchausen told The Iowa Iowan in a phone interview from a UIHC rehabilitation facility. “I prestiged, like, at least nine times.”

Authorities were alerted to Munchausen’s possible disappearance when they received a call from his mother who claimed Munchausen hadn’t shown up for Thanksgiving at his family’s residence in Waterloo, IA.

“My boy never misses my mashed potatoes,” Mrs. Munchausen said, “As soon as we were seated at the Thanksgiving table and no one was eating them, I realized he was still in Iowa City.”

Munchausen, who lost nearly thirty pounds during the gaming binge, says this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

“When World of Warcraft first came out and I ran out of food, I was living on my own hair and fingernails for a while. Definitely worth it.”

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STUDENT BINGES ON “HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER” IN FINAL STRUGGLE AGAINST ACADEMIC RESPONSIBILITIES

SLATER HALL—Todd Buchanan, a UI sophomore, says that it became painfully clear that he can no longer put off this semester’s schoolwork when not a single guy on his floor, the seventh floor of Slater Hall, would play Call of Duty with him Sunday night.

“It’s still basically syllabus week,” Buchanan said. “But they kept saying they had to study for their gen chem exam.”

It was a sobering moment for the Des Moines native. “I decided it was time to face reality. I’m gonna do all my homework unless I’m tired, and only go to class hungover on Fridays.”

Buchanan’s new lease on life will take effect “literally the second” he is finished watching all 5 seasons of How I Met Your Mother on DVD.

“Did you know that Neil Patrick Harris is gay in real life?” Buchanan said as the show’s theme song played in the background. “That’s why his character is so funny!”

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STUDENT MISTAKENLY PREPARES FOR SPRING BREAK ONE WEEK LATE

Rienow Hall—Freshman Billy Strim, 19, is excited to spend next week in Austin, Texas, “partying with some high school friends all god damn week.”

In preparation for his debauchery, Strim chose to skip all of his classes this week. “Gotta keep the party tanks full, you know?” he told The Iowa Iowan Friday. “So I basically just played Duty for the past seven days straight.”

Strim was last seen packing Abercrombie cologne into an Adidas duffel bag in his dorm room in Rienow.

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