Tagged with coral ridge mall

BREAKING: iPHONE STILL NOT THAT GOOD

CORAL RIDGE MALL—Verizon cell phone stores in Johnson County have been slammed with hundreds of customers swarming to get their hands on iPhones this month. The trendy smartphone was only available to AT&T customers until earlier this year.

But consumers are finding their new gadgets come with an unexpected accessory: Disappointment.

“As soon as I got home, I tried to log onto FarmVille but it wouldn’t load,” University of Iowa sophomore Maggie Knox said. “Am I seriously supposed to carry around my laptop all day so I can water my crops?”

Another new iPhone buyer said prices in the Apple App Store are too steep.

“Two bucks for a game? Even my grandma’s Nokia came with Snake…for free,” Ben O’Rourke told The Iowa Iowan.

Even people who know shit about technology report being let down.

“I developed an app to keep track of my homework assignments, but Apple wants me to pay them $99 to run it on my own phone,” UI computer science major Trenton Stroop said. “But it doesn’t really matter anymore — I applied light pressure to the phone and the screen shattered.”

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FRESHMAN DISCOVERS BUS TO CORALVILLE, IS DISAPPOINTED BY CORAL RIDGE MALL

CORALVILLE—Freshman Matt Barry, 19, looking for something to do Thursday night, “really wanted to find some girls or something.” But his dream met a roadblock when, in August, his mom would not let him bring his Acura MDX from their home in Aurora, IL. After “telling [his] roommate about how gay it is that [he] can’t drive anywhere,” Barry’s roommate, freshman Tyler Sotero, 19, informed him of the Coralville Transit bus to the Coral Ridge Mall, and Barry saw the solution to his problem. Sotero accompanied Barry on the twenty-eight minute ride, costing 75 cents for each student. Upon entering the Coral Ridge Mall, Barry was disheartened by presence of a Sarku Japan in the food court, but held his head high. “I’m pretty sure they serve dog,” said Barry. “It’s fucking gross.” The two wandered around the women’s section of Younkers “seeing if any girls wanted to hang out,” until Barry said to Sotero, “This place is really gay.” At the time of reporting, Barry and Sotero were ice skating, in hopes of “maybe knocking over some little kids.”

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