The Iowa Iowan

IOWA CITY—Just hours after former Hawkeye football player Cedric Everson was charged with simple assault, his sentence has been overturned, in what has become one of the most sensational news stories in Hawkeye history.

Judge Paul Miller declared Everson guilty of simple assault Thursday, a charge with a penalty of up to 30 days’ imprisonment.

Upon arriving home Thursday afternoon, however, Judge Miller read the Internet comments on the Daily Iowan’s coverage of Everson’s sentencing. “I suppose I just never saw it that way while we were in the courtroom,” Miller told The Iowa Iowan via AIM chat Thursday evening.

“omfg, miller is such an idiot. everson clearly raped that girl if u think about it,” reads one of the countless enlightening Internet comments on the Daily Iowan’s website.

“Reading that comment was just, like, whoa,” said Miller, presumably emotional. “I want to thank the heroes on the Internet for helping us avoid what could have been the most ill-informed sentence in my career.”

Everson was summoned back to court Friday morning and sentenced to 75 years in prison. “Glad we cleared that one up,” said Miller. “lol.”