Tagged with new years eve

UI STUDENT REFLECTS ON 2011′S ASSORTMENT OF REASONS SHE DIDN’T TRY ANYTHING NEW

WAUKEE, IA—UI junior Nancy Muriel paused in her parents’ home early this morning to think back.

“I was so busy this year,” Muriel told The Iowa Iowan in a phone interview. “I literally had no chance to see a play, or buy fruit at New Pioneer, or talk to someone who’s not white or a football player.”

“Studying for my Media Law final took up a lot of time,” Muriel said. “Oh, and waiting in the smoothie line at the CRWC.”

In 2012, Muriel plans to decide to walk instead of taking the Cambus and then to decide that it’s too cold to walk and that her legs are tired.

Muriel concluded her pensive moment by posting the following Facebook status: “what a wild ride around the sun :0)”.

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IOWA CITY SUCKS LESS WITHOUT ANY STUDENTS

IOWA CITY—Amid empty residence halls and starkly few pairs of tits showing themselves at local bars, the great city of Iowa City is halfway through its month-long slumber for winter vacation. Only pathetic losers whose families are dead or who don’t love them, and ugly dorks who live in Daum and Mayflower, will be spending the winter holiday in town this year. “I like how quiet it is,” freshman Talia Bresson said Friday. “It’s nice to be able to urinate in the snow on the Pentacrest in the middle of the day without anyone seeing.”  Bresson will be at Capanna until they close New Year’s Eve, and then maybe see if she can see any fireworks from the parking ramp behind Burge.

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