MANHATTAN—According to USA Today, a recent study by New York University has proven that no college student enjoys smoking weed.
Over five hundred thousand college students underwent strenuous testing over the last forty years to come to this conclusion. “This is it,” says NYU Professor of Sociology Howard Marfit. “We’ve spent every waking hour since 1970 on what was originally just a curiosity of mine. We finally have our answer.”
Of the dozens of college students contacted by The Iowa Iowan, the consensus was clearly of an anti-weed-smoking sentiment.
“I mean, what is there to like?” said Pete Forsey, 22, a senior at the University of Colorado–Boulder. “It tastes awful, and it really impedes my ability to frolf.”
“I tried once,” said University of Texas–Austin freshman Kate Telsh, 19. “It just completely ruined the music I was listening to, and I completely lost my appetite.”
The following chart highlights the stark absence of weed-smoking from the daily activities of college students:
