Tagged with president sally mason

SALLY MASON REFUSES TO RELEASE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

PRESIDENT’S RESIDENCE—University of Iowa President Sally Mason is showing little sign that she’ll step back from her refusal to release a long-form copy of her birth certificate.

Rumors that Mason was born in England have circulated since Mason took office in 2007. Campus ‘birthers,’ as they’re called, claim that a short-form birth certificate released before Mason took office could easily have been forged. They demand the president release a long-form document, proving she was born in the U.S.

Mason criticized the movement, saying the controversy distracts from more important issues. “We’ve got some enormous challenges out there,” Mason said at a press conference this week. “We’re not going to be able to do it if we’re preoccupied.”

Mason supporters, mostly Democrats, are trying to use the birther movement, largely driven by Republicans, to their advantage.

“Every person who doesn’t agree with the president on everything is crazy and a racist,” the University Democrats said in a press release.

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SALLY MASON: I SO DO NOT FEEL LIKE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL

PRESIDENT’S RESIDENCE—Oh my God, UI President Sally Mason is so not ready to go back to school on Monday.

Shit, I mean, President Mason has just been reading Texts from Last Night, watching Lost, and smoking bowls all week. She doesn’t want to have to start dealing with all that university-president stuff again.

“Not gonna lie,” President Mason told The Iowa Iowan Sunday, “I’m kinda thinking about just moving to Alaska and starting an online crocheting business, SallyNeedles.com.”

Like, you know that feeling when you wake up after really hot sex dream when you realize that you didn’t actually bang that MILF? That’s how Sally Mason feels about spring break.

President Mason spent Sunday night drinking Blue Moon and trying to remember what the fuck the Iowa Challenge is.

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