The Iowa Iowan

IOWA CITY—Amid empty residence halls and starkly few pairs of tits showing themselves at local bars, the great city of Iowa City is halfway through its month-long slumber for winter vacation. Only pathetic losers whose families are dead or who don’t love them, and ugly dorks who live in Daum and Mayflower, will be spending the winter holiday in town this year. “I like how quiet it is,” freshman Talia Bresson said Friday. “It’s nice to be able to urinate in the snow on the Pentacrest in the middle of the day without anyone seeing.”  Bresson will be at Capanna until they close New Year’s Eve, and then maybe see if she can see any fireworks from the parking ramp behind Burge.